Mugalomaniac.

Monday, October 23, 2006

2006 Mugger's Lexicon ( 2nd Revised Edition) by Chieng and Ang

Introduction

A Guide to Muggers
Muggers evolved as a separate branch of the human race a a few thousand years ago when education started. They are human, but have extraordinary ability to process and intake information. It is believed to be caused by mutations(also part of evolution) thus giving them amazing abilities to study and provides them with immunity to common human limitations such as sleepiness and boredom. But remember! Muggers are human too!

Common Mugger: Homo Muggerus*
This is the most common type of Mugger found. An entity which take can survive on pure information alone. It feeds on a regular diet of lecture notes, tutorials, and TYSes. It feeds a minimum of 4 hours on weekdays and 10 hours on weekends. It is believed this strange schedule is set by the queen of the colony. Commonly found in regions of high information density, e.g. schools, and outside photocopying shops. It is theorised the smell of wet ink contains a pheromone which lures them there. Prevalent in all educational institutions everywhere, and easy to spot. Possesses a great love of books and notes. Very alert and attentive, not even the most sleep-inducing of lecturers can affect them.

It is believed their bodies may naturally produce amounts of caffeine to stimulate and energise them. Also possessing well-developed spatial ability and great directions. Most are thought to have photographic memory and can easily find the shortest distance between two points in a building. However, this ability is only exhibited in educational institutions.

Some Muggers are believed to be triggered by the ringing of the school bell, which releases large amounts of ATP(energy for the non-bio students) in their legs. This enables them to move at supernatural speeds from one location to another before the majority of the student population have even put their writing instruments in their pencil cases. This has often caused some confusion in the general public about Muggers and Vampires which also have the same unnatural ability.

*Muggers contain 2 subspecies. one hostile, one not.
Silent Mugger:
Prefers to mug alone, without companionship. The "lone wolves" of the species. May appear outwardly slacker(see below) among others.
Ninja Mugger:
A hostile version of the silent mugger. Mugs, alone but ACTIVELY tries to induce other muggers into becoming slacker(see below) mutants when among them. Acts as a mutagen.

Slacker:
A mutant form of a mugger. Instead of mugging, this entity rejects the food accustomed to its species and feeds on what muggers define as Evil (see below). A social outcast among muggers.

JC Constant = (Sad + Sian - Social Life)(Mugging) x 2 {3 if studying in MI}

Le Kenneth's Principle:
The equilibrium of JC life defined as education void of social life with the addition of unhappiness and sianness, multipled by the rate of mugging, to the power of the years of education at tertiary level.

Rate of Mugging:
Extent to which information is carried over a concentration gradient i.e. book to head. Theoretically, the highest rate of mugging can be attained by touching the head to the book. However, as books do not behave as real information, they are unideal information, and may not flow with the concentration gradient because at low temperature, the inter-knowledge forces of attraction between the words are greater.

Ideal Information Formula of Books : (Number of words)(Number of pages)(JC constant) /(Size of book)

Evil:
Defined as something bad for mugging. i.e. Television; Computer; MTV; MSN; Music excluding classical.

Disclaimer: This is meant to be purely harmless satire. All resemblances to all person(or Muggers), living or dead are purely coincidental. No Muggers were harmed in the writing of this guide. We do not HATE Muggers or anything. It's just humor. =] And no, it is NOT directed against anyone. Mugging is just another way of studying. Most do so with less frequency and intensity only. In short, we are all muggers! (If only to a small extent)

-Chieng and Ang,
2006 Mugger's Lexicon ( 2nd Revised Edition)

Lecture delivered at 11:50 PM by bengx