Mugalomaniac.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Hunting Patterns

This world is a jungle. To survive you must know the tricks of the trade, the subtle nuances and flaws of your predators, how to spot danger in the air. You must be able to see Them coming, and to know what to do and what not to do. This guide aims to familiarise you with the Hunters, and what not to do to become the Hunted.
1.DOs
-stay inconspicious
-try your best to take down as much information as possible
-stay awake

2.DON'Ts
-fall asleep (and risk getting HIT by ze evil Herr Doktor R)
-draw attention to yourself.
(a zebra does not go about with a sign on its back saying"HI LIONS! EAT ME! =))
This includes, laughing in a particularly loud/strange/distictive way or making any weird noises if anything funny happens. The Hunter may just pick on you to answer the next question, before having your liver with onions.
-be hated. (if you are, sorry, you're screwed anyway and we can't do anything sbout it.) If you are an EFB (Everyone's Favourite Bastard) like Arjun (hehehe) then too bad too.

3.KNOW YOUR ENEMY
Here we shall elaborate on the general hunting patterns of our Hunters. They are generally very lazy and hunt near the front of the theatre, instead of walking to the back. The middle and left/right rows are at risk here. However, since the most proficient race of these Hunters are the Econs hunters as they know how to minimise their personal cost and maximise profit, an in-depth study was conducted into their hunting patterns by the University of Mugsbridge in 2006.

The Hunting Patterns of Homo Lecturus-Econs: study by UoM (2006)
Authored by:
Anne Nimal
Eva Lucione
Carl Darwin
Dr. Gene-Ettic Dryft(died on the job-forgot definiton of demand. He shall be deeply missed.)
Dedicated to
the memory of
Dr. Gene-Ettic Dryft
1989-2007

Preamble:
An in-depth study was conducted into the hunting patterns of Econ Lecturers(ELs) in 2006. Our team spent one year camping in the untamed Mugland wilderness, in the plains of the cyptically-named sector LT4, known as the favoured hunting ground for ELs. We respectfully present our findings to the scientific mugging community of the world. These are our results:

-ELs are hunters of convenience.
They prefer to stalk muggers along the aisle, and approach them fearlessly head-on. This is because they know we have no chance of resisting or escaping. Even with this controversial kill method, we have recorded a consistent 100% kill-rate among each EL we observed. Note: ELs have been know to attack those sitting one or two seats away from the aisle too.

-ELs sometimes hunt in sprees.
Sometimes, ELs are satisfied with one kill, and back off, returning to the Table. Othertimes, their hunger may not be so easily sated. In such cases, they like to go on kill sprees. However, there is a distinct pattern to it. They kill alternately. Having devoured a mugger in the aisle, say B1, they will move up the aisle, but not attack the mugger in the next row. They move up to take out the one sitting one row up, in seat D1, before moving on or returning. So if \yu see an attack happening, and you are sitting like 2 or 4 rows behind, you could be next.

Ways to avoid attack:
-get into the LT early to pick choice seats
-pick seats NOT along the aisle
-middle seats are best, minimum is 4th seat from aisle.
Of course if your class sits at the back, you should be relatively safe. Do try not to be a joker in class, and someone your lecturer will remember in the LT. You can also try the perfectly economical way of assuming you are not being asked to answer a question. ELs love to assume things. They may be fooled into thinking you are one of them and stop. (Warning:Results may vary-did not work for Dr. Dryft)

Labels: Hunting Patterns

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