Mugalomaniac.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Meet the Potters Session

July 21 will be a momentuous day. Not only is it the day of the release of the long-awaited final instalment of the immensely popular Harry Potter series, it is also MTPS(Meet The Parent Session day here in ~~Mugwarts~~ Mugland. Hence, we launch this commemorative post, to celebrate this Murder The Potter/Murder The Pupil Session.

Disclaimer: I have NOT read any of the supposed spoilers out there, so if by any chance the events portrayed here actually happen, it is merely coincidence. However, you may wish to skip this post until after you finish your book just in case. Also, this post is merely a joke, and no malice or insult to any Harry Potter fan out there is intended. If you think you may feel offended by this, then we encourage you not to read it. JK Rowling owns all copyrights to all the characters within.

[This is my first time writing something like this so please don't kill me. And I haven't reread my HP series, so I apologise for any errors in regard to the actual story. Though I admit to taking some liberties with the story. Like with the vomiting and the dying and all. =\]
(I don't think this is a fan fic per se either...lol)

---

"Oh no...I can't believe I got it..." Harry groaned.

"What happened, Harry?" Hermione turned around and spied the letter in his hands.

"But this...they can't! You're Harry Potter for goodness' sake!"

"Hey guys..." Ron entered with a dejected look on his face. He bore a letter that was identical to Harry's in his hands. When he noticed Harry had one one, a look of bewilderment grew on his face. "Harry! You too? Dumbledore..."

"I know...but..." Harry reread the words on the letter again. Thick black ink in a neat cursive, on a sheet of thick cream-coloured paper bearing the Hogwarts letterhead.

"Dear Mr. Potter," it began.

The school recently held its Middle of Year Wizarding Exams, and we are concerned about your progress. Thus, we are hoping to make an appointment with your parents/guardians for a discussion about this matter. The school has already informed your parents/guardians by owl about this.

Your appointment slot with the headmaster will be at 11am tomorrow on the 21st of July.

Thank you for your consideration and we hope to see you punctually.

Harry sighed. "This is not going to be good."

---

Bright rays of sunlight pierced the darkness as Ron threw open the curtains.

"Time to go, Harry." He had an apprehensive look on his face. Studying the motes of dust floating in the sunbeams, he bit his lip. "Mum's the one who's coming. She's going to kill me. I think even Fred and George never scored this badly before."

"It's ok Ron. Even I'm in it. Considering what we've been through in the past; a three headed dog, an enraged troll, homicidal tree, dementors, dragons, a visit to the headmaster shouldn't be that bad."

"I've never faced dementors or dragons."

"Oh. Er...right. C'mon Ron, lets just get it over with."

---

"Why I never! He... fooling around... destruction... evil... you-know-who... COPYING HOMEWORK??? Young man... much trouble..."

Whne Ron's mother arrived, she had given Harry a big hug, before dragging Ron by the hand into the headmaster's office. Since then, she had been in there for close to 20 minutes. When they finally appeared, Ron's ears were red with embarassment. Mrs Weasley said goodbye to Harry and hugged him once more before leading Ron off. Her voice could be heard echoing along the corridor.

Harry took a deep breath, and entered Dumbledore's study. The same whimsical gadgets and mysterious devices were still here, whirring and clicking away. Dumbledore looked up from a piece of parchment, and motioned for him to sit. Harry sank into the comfortable recesses of a velvet claw-footed armchair, wishing he could disappear into its plush insides right now.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "Your guardians, Harry?"

Harry shrugged.

"I should have guessed. No matter, this is quite easy to resolve." He drew out his wand and flicked it. With a poof and a puff of white smoke, Vernon and Petunia Dursley were at his desk. Dudley was behind them, a chocolate doughnut stuffed in his mouth. Uncle Vernon's mouth gaped open, and his hand was in front of him, keys in them. He looked like he was trying to unlock an invisible car.

"I called you here to discuss Harry's grades recently so I'm sorry to interrupt what looks like a hastily prepared family trip. Please, sit, sit." Vernon Dursley's mouth opened and closed, and he looked like an astonished goldfish. He dropped heavily into a couch and Petunia sat next to him. Dumbledore spotted Dudley quivering in front of him. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect to bring you along too." There was a white flash, and Dudley disappeared.

"Now. I'm hoping that you will monitor Harry when he goes back for the holidays. His grades have been...rather troubling as of late. Also, he has been involved in several rather troubling incidents since entering Hogwarts. In year one, his tangle with an irate troll cost the school 1000 galleons in damage to the toilets. I have since overlooked this, but he seems to be getting into more troublesome messes.

He got in a fight with a rather large basilisk in year two, which caused extensive damage to the school's foundation, not to mention our reputation in various other skirmishes. This is why I'm asking for a small payment of 3000 pounds to reimburse the school for all the damages, which require professional wizard contractors to rebuild. All this cavorting around and his obsession with defeating evil has probably distracted him from his studies, and caused his grades to slip."

Uncle Vernon turned an ugly shade of purple.

"Oh, and after he killed that basilisk, he and his gang leaked muck, slime, and blood* all over the place. Do you have any idea how hard it is to to get basilisk blood, much less copious amounts of ink out of the authentic Persian rugs? Mr Filch was up to his elbows in soap, and I still had to get three teachers to remove it magically. Surely you can see why..."

BANG!

The door flew open, and a light rain of dust and bits of rock fell from the ceiling. Voldemort stood in the doorway cackling. "Surprise! Avada Kedavrahahahaha!" A jet of bright green light shot out of his wand and stuck Harry, who was taken by surprise. Harry vomited and keeled over on the carpet, a look of surprise on his face.

Dumbledore made a sound of disgust and threw his hands up in the air. "Not again! I just had that dry-cleaned last week! Don't you know how to knock?"

"I don't need to! Now I rule the wizarding world! Haha!"

FLASH. A bright light enveloped the room for a split second. Voldermort vomited and keeled over dead.

"Drat! Not the carpet again!" Dumbledore held his head in his hands and sighed. He poofed Vernon and Petunia back to where they were.

"Minerva! Get Filch in here!"

And thus, you know who died. Lol. No, seriously, no. I wrote this on the afternoon of July 20. I myself have no idea, and I'm not going online till I finish the book...

* - Muck, filth, and slime, exact words from Book 2. =P And they really leaked it all over the place. Just check.

Lecture delivered at 12:00 AM by -=[K]=-