Mugalomaniac.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

What makes the world go round?

What makes the earth go round? Maybe some of you have asked this question before. Well, we decided to ask this question to a few muggers, since they are probably more knowledgable than most of us, so here are their answers.

Economics Mugger:
Money makes the world go round. Duh. Dude, you still owe me twenty thousand dollars for landing on my 4 hotels and 5 houses last Friday during our Monopoly game!

GP Mugger:
Ours is a world that goes round and round. This essay will seek to prove that the earth rotates about on its axis, as seen in several videos taken from space, which are incontrovertible proof of the long-held notion that our earth spins. However, some same say these videos are merely computer generated special effects from NASA, and that the earth actually stands still and is flat, since the ground they walk on is flat and that they don't see the sky spinning around them-hey are you still listening? I haven't rebutted the opposing vie-
I am ineligible to make a joke about GP muggers since I failed GP. Hah.

Lit Mugger:
As seen in the first verse, the author takes a questioning tone which may represent a lack of comprehension or understanding, and may seek to convey that he is on a quest for knowledge and may be representative of the difficult situation he is in right now, at the beginning of a long journey...hey leaving so fast? I haven't completed my analysis...

Chem Mugger:
Once upon a time there was a massive exothermic explosion on one side of the earth, and POOF it caused entire wheatfields to be soaked with chocolate and provided the driving force to spin the earth round and round and round and round...

Geog Mugger:
The volcanos in the Pacific Ring of Fire act like thrusters, and because they once all blew up simultanelously in the past like FOOOOOOOOOOM-KABOOOM-POWBANG GRAAAAAAH-BLAIOUGH-[unintelligible noises]-so that provides the proof that this is how the earth spins. It concurs with the chem mugger you interviewed. *Gives chem mugger thumbs up and winks*

Math Mugger:
Let D represent the displacement of a fixed point on the earth after a certain time
Let t represent time
Let R represent the rotation of the earth
dD/dt = R where R,t, and D are all real numbers.
By using differential equations,
ARGH!
[Thump]
What-NO! Stop! Please! This was supposed to be an interview- ahhh please no!
[Cracks, crunches]
NO! NOOOOOOO!!! HELP! HELP ME PLEASEEEEEE PLEASEEEE STOP!!!
[Final thump, splattering, sound of heavy breathing.]
-A new interviewer was hired at this point.-

Bio Mugger:
Rotation huh? Okayyy...hmm. Well the earth contains many populations of humans and animals, so maybe the unevenness of population density causes a tilt in the earth's axis and also provides power for the spin like wheeeeeee...

KI Mugger:
Earth. What is the earth? How do you know the earth exists? How do you know WE exist? How do you know you exist?
[Suppressed shriek of pain]
Rotation. Roe-tay-shun. How do you know what rotation is? Can you say the earth rotates? Have you seen it yourself? How do you know that it may not be some centuries old conspiracy? How do you know you know things anyway? Have you have to have experienced them yourself?
[Faint moan from interviewer]
Why does roe-tay-shun have to be spelt that way? Why do we follow this rule? Why can't it be spelt asovlgm? What is the sound of one hand clapping? If a tree falls in a forest and noone is there to hear it does it make a sound?
-At this point, the second interviewer's brain imploded, turning them into a Ghost Mugger. As we had run out of funds, the interviews ended here.-

Lecture delivered at 9:37 PM by -=[K]=-